27: How to Have a Healthy Sex Life After 50

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If love makes the world go round than sex certainly makes that trip a lot more fun! And for good reason. It’s the glue that binds most romantic relationships. And….We baby boomers practically re-invented sex. We defined the sexual revolution. We joyfully ushered in drive-ins, back seats, playboy, playgirl, love-ins, bra-burnings, the summer of love, Woodstock, the pill, one-night-stands, the joy of sex and turned pre-marital sex into an acceptable form of recreation.

Baby boomers still hold the generational record for the highest average number of sexual partners as adults surpassing Millennials and Gen Xers and Yers. Wow, and still while we could reminisce and wax poetic about the good ol days many of us boomers are still not at all ready to hang up our boots and spurs, so to speak.

And as expected, many of us are breaking our parents’ norms where middle age and beyond sex was something that was seen as a waning moon setting in the night sky during the winters of their lives. Nope, no way. We may be getting older and having to deal with many of the issues with growing older but we’re not ready to give up that all-important part of our youth, and our lives. And I know that it’s not just me. We boomers crave intimacy and damn it, sex is a big part of intimacy.

Now, I know that there are some of us boomers whose sex lives, for a variety of reasons, have slowly dwindled to an occasional nostalgic romp… And some of us have even allowed it to become a mere memory of younger times. Well, I’m here to try to fan that spark and inspire you to get back in that saddle. You may actually be surprised at how well the ride can be with just a bit of an attitude adjustment.

So let’s talk about the actual benefits of sex. First of all….if feels really, really good. There’s a reason why it is so popular. And many women over 50 find that their ability to have an orgasm actually increases and women, as opposed to men have the amazing ability to experience multiple orgasms while having sex. Me, I’ve always been jealous of that.

The Benefits of Sex

Okay, let’s look at some of the more pragmatic reasons to resurrect or ramp-up your sex life. This part won’t surprise any of you who have been following my podcasts but it’s well worth talking about. From purely an exercise perspective, it’s one of the best physical activities that you can do. You get a lot of bang for the buck….so to speak.

A good healthy romp will elevate that heart rate and burn some calories. Okay, so it probably won’t become a huge diet craze and replace your treadmill or bike, but it will burn about 5 calories per minute unless you are really getting adventurous. The important part is that you will elevate that heart rate and thus making regular love-making a great program for cardio-vascular fitness and can lower your risk of a heart attack. In one study, it was shown that men who had sex two times a week were half as likely to die from heart disease comparted to men who rarely had sex.

There are also many studies which suggest that regular sex can reduce your blood pressure and thus lower your risk of stroke.

Sex also helps to keep the hormones in balance for both men and women. This again can help decrease your risk of heart disease and osteoporosis.

Back in episode 19, where I talk about The 8 sure-fire ways to reduce your risk of cancer, I told you about the studies from Australia and Harvard which indicated that regular sex can significantly lower a man’s risk of prostate cancer up to 36%….and when I say regular, I mean really frequent like 4 times per week. Men, you may want to leave a copy of the study on the coffee table in your dining room. And If for whatever reason, having sex 2-4 time a week with a partner isn’t really an option, than men, you may need to take your be your own best friend here for the sake of a healthy prostate.

Sex boosts the immune system

Studies have shown that sex has a positive effect on your immune system. There are studies from Wilkes University in Pennsylvania that found that people who had sex once or more per week had elevated levels of certain antibodies, compared to those who had sex less often.

Sex is beneficial for a woman’s bladder controls

Regular sex is also very beneficial for women’s bladders and the muscles of the pelvic floor. A strong pelvic floor will help you  to avoid incontinence.

Sex boosts women’s libido

Regular sex also increases your libido and the quality of your sex. For women, having regular sex will increase vaginal lubrication, blood flow and elasticity. Bottom line…sex will be more pleasurable.

Sex improves the quality of sleep

So, do you have any problems with getting a good night’s sleep? If so, than sex may be your answer. After orgasm, your body releases prolactin, the hormone that makes you feel relaxed and sleepy. So the next time you start to toss and turn you may want to try a more natural and fun sleeping medication.

Sex and women over 50

Oftentimes, women in their 50’s and beyond experience a renewed interest and increased enjoyment with their sexuality. The kids are typically grown and on their own, their careers are often solidly on track and they have the opportunity to focus more on their relationships. Today, many women over 50 simply do not align themselves with the stereotypical menopausal woman with a diminished libido and waning sex life. Sometimes, just the simple addition of lubricants can restore the pleasure of sex and ignite that spark that was missing in their relationship. And…for many women over 50, removing the concern of pregnancy can be incredibly liberating and a strong aphrodisiac in itself opening up wonderful possibilities for a great sex life.

Sex improve intimacy and thus the relationship with your partner

Men and women in their 50s and beyond are usually more confident and comfortable with who they are. Us guys don’t feel the need to be a sexual athlete treating sex as an Olympic performance.  The pressure is off now and we can enjoy our partners on both of our terms.

And oftentimes, as mentioned earlier, couples over 50 find themselves with a lot more alone time. The kids are gone, your jobs may be less demanding with your time or you may be in retirement or semi-retirement. This is a great time to rediscover your partner and focus on your relationship.

You may often find yourself alone at home…what to do? What to do? Remember the excitement of a quickie at noon? That glorious element of spontaneity? Remember? That was the stuff of fantasies. Well it may be time to re-discover the wonders of nature rolling in the bushes down by the riverside….

Impediments to a great sex life

As us boomers already know, this whole aging thing is fraught with obstacles and landmines which may have a detrimental effect on our love lives and relationships. Knowing what to possibly expect along with the dedication to find help when you need it is very important to preserving your intimacy.

Aging Bodies and embarrassment

Okay Jim, rekindling a dormant sex life may sound good theory but may not look so good in the mirror. Yes, there’s no arguing that we’re not the incredible physical specimens that we were years ago but remember, none of us are getting younger and we are all doing this aging thing together and true sexuality and sensuality starts from the inside. What we may be lacking on the outside is more than compensated by what we have on the inside and that equates to a lifetime of human evolution, wisdom, maturity and spirituality. Many of you have the honor of loving the same partner for decades. Others, who may be alone, may get to experience that one-of-a-kind feeling of new love again. While still others, may enjoy a strong feeling of independence while enjoying the company of some friends with benefits. Think of it this way, the pressure is off. Strap on that old mojo, crank up that sense of humor and go for it.

Chronic Conditions

Many of the chronic conditions that could affect our lives may provide a serious challenge to maintaining a healthy sex life.

Medical conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, hormonal problems, depression and anxiety and a host of other conditions, along with a mix of prescription medications can seriously disrupt anybody’s sex life. So It is very important to discuss your concerns openly with your doctors. They may be able to change medications to ones with fewer potential sexual side effect. You may also consider speaking to specialists who focus on sexual issues.

Chronic Pain

It is estimated that 70% of chronic pain sufferers experience some kind of sexual dysfunction. If you or your partner have to deal with chronic pain, than upping your sex life may be a great way to ease some of that pain.

Before you reach for the Advil, try a quickie. Studies have shown that an orgasm can release hormones that significantly up your pain threshold. Sex can lessen chronic back pain, leg pain, arthritic pain and the pain associated with headaches. Depending on your condition, you may need to time your rendezvous for the times that you feel your best. Oftentimes, night time is not the most the best because your body has had to deal with a whole day of activity that may exacerbate your pain. So, for many people, the best time may be after a full nights rest. This can work out well for the men in this relationship because  mornings are often the time when your testosterone levels are the highest of the day and you don’t have a whole days’ worth of stress lingering to short circuit your libido. The important thing is for couples to talk about what works and what doesn’t with their partner. Planning ahead for intimacy can be very helpful with keeping your sex life on track.

It may also be helpful to experiment with different positions and utilizing pillows to provide soft support to help you find positions that are mutually comfortable. It’s also very important to lighten up and to keep your sense of humor. Remember, maintaining sexual intimacy is definitely worth the effort.

Okay, so now you’re sold on the benefits of a healthy sex life so let’s talk a bit about how to best set yourself up for success

How to improve your sex life

Overall health

Needless to say your overall health has an enormous effect on your sex life so the most effective thing that you can do to ensure a long, happy, and healthy sex life is to adapt a healthy lifestyle. But this doesn’t mean that you have to adhere to a diet of deprivation or a torturous exercise regime…. but you will want to take a look at what you put in your body and how often you move that body.

By the time you get to our age you probably know what is healthy to eat and what isn’t. If not, than are a lot of great sources for solid dietary advice. I’ll put some of them in the show notes for this episode. It’s pretty simple really. You want to be eating a diet low in processed foods , high in fresh veggies, and light on the red meat, saturated fats, except for those glorious mono-saturated fats that your body loves, like olive oil and avocado oil….mmmm. You also want to avoid excess alcohol, fried food, sugar-laced food and drinks, and foods containing ingredients that you need to be a PhD chemist to pronounce. Make sure that you get enough water, but the latest studies don’t support the idea that you have to water-log your body with 8 glasses or more per day. It may be nice to have alpine spring-water clear pee,  but waking up 10 times at night to take a leak isn’t my idea of healthy.

Exercise and its effect on sex

Okay, you know that I wasn’t going to go a whole podcast about sex without bringing up one of my favorite subjects. Regular exercise will do wonders to maintain that spark. The benefits of regular exercise for helping to ensure a long and happy love life cannot be understated.

Exercise will make you look and feel younger, happier, sexier, and keep that libido well-tuned and ready to rumble. Regular exercise will help to maintain toned muscles and aerobic endurance so you can stay in the saddle as long as you want to ride. When I say regular exercise I mean both cardiovascular and resistance exercise. I always tell my clients that cardio-vascular exercise is for longevity and the resistance is for quality of life.  I highly recommend that you get a good cardio workout at least 3 times a week. It doesn’t have to be a grueling, torturous marathon. I can get a good cardio workout in 10 minutes.It’s quality and not quantity.

Click Here to see the video of my absolute favorite cardio-vascular workout.

Also, I highly recommend getting some resistance exercise several times a week. Again, it doesn’t have to take the form of hours at the gym. You can get a decent resistance workout in about ½ hour utilizing the circuit style of exercise.

Click Here to get get the poop on cardiovascular exercise

Click Here to get information on functional fitness

Click Here to go to an excellent website on nutrition.

And of course, as my lawyer recommends, it’s very important to get a checkup by your doctor before embarking on any kind of exercise program and that includes marathon sex.

Tips for maintaining a good sex for the rest of your lives

• Try a little romance. Set the stage for some great sex by starting with some romance. C’mon guys, try it, you’ll like it. Hell, you have the time now. The kids are gone. So Make a day of it. Go out for breakfast! Go for a hike. Go for a picnic! Have a romantic dinner!…and dare I say, maybe even some dancing? Do something that you both love to do. Going to your favorite sports bar to watch the game may not be the best choice, unless of course your spouse loves sports too.
• Don’t be afraid to experiment to pep up your sex life. Sometimes we get stuck into our usual sexual routine that may be okay, but ….very routine and predictable. Enjoy the freedom and adventure of trying out new positions or role playing. Sex is supposed to be fun. And remember, sex doesn’t mean that you always have to have intercourse. There are many ways to express physical love besides that. Be sensitive of your partner’s limitations and wishes as well as your own.
• For heaven’s sake, take your time. As we get older it may take longer for you or your partner to experience sexual arousal. And sometimes it may not happen at all and that’s okay too. The goal here is intimacy and sensuality and not procreation or trying to maintain a standard that just isn’t any fun anymore. With that in mind, don’t let a sexual stumble keep you out of the game. Your partner isn’t going to judge you if you’re not able to consummate your love for the evening. Remember, it’s the trip that counts…. And not necessarily being able to cross the finish line. So to speak.
• And sometimes you may need to be your own best friend, so to speak. There may be times that your partner may not be able to engage in sexual activities for any number of reasons. And If you haven’t already, now’s a good time to dump that whole social taboo on masturbation. The truth is that it’s good for you, good for your body, and good for your head, so don’t be afraid to take your own matters in hand.
• I mentioned this earlier but it’s worth mentioning again. Sex is supposed to be fun. Don’t be afraid to inject an element of play. Keep your sense of humor and don’t take it so seriously. It’s not brain surgery.

Well, there you have it. The case for keeping that sexual spark alive and well. The physical, emotional and psychological benefits are amazing, especially for something that feels so good. One of the cool things about ramping up your sex life is that it takes on a snowball effect. You will find that the more you have sex, the more you will feel like having sex. It definitely turns up the libido and it does wonders you’re your relationship….and after all, isn’t that what it’s all about? So go put on some Barry White, light the candles, break out the good bubbly, take the phone off of the hook and just do what comes naturally.

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Jim Jensen